By Henry Ward
Hello, my name is Henry Ward, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict and an ultrarunner. I have been in recovery since November 17, 2008. I have been married to my beautiful wife for 15 years, and we have an adorable eight year old son. I have a full-time job as a Food Service Director, and I love to run. But this so-called normal life wasn't always the case.
For 22 years, I abused drugs and alcohol. I should be dead. I had numerous drug and alcohol-related arrests. I almost lost my family. I almost lost my life. The biggest challenge of my life came when I finally admitted my addiction and sought help. I made one of the best decisions in my life by checking myself into Valley Hope of Tempe addiction treatment center. That was November 2008, and I have been sober ever since.
One thing I know about addiction is you have to be 100% ready and 100% committed to stopping forever. Completely understanding I could never drink or use again was huge for me. The day I came to understand this was the last of three solid days spent basically drinking, blacking out, falling down, passing out, waking up and drinking, and doing it all over again. I was not suicidal, but I did not want to live. I was hardly eating as I was unable to keep anything down. I was very weak. I was getting low on beer, so I was going to have to go to the store. I remember having cold sweats and being so shaky and messed up that I knew I couldn't drive. So I planned to take a nice shower and then walk to the store to get more beer and booze. I remember letting the water hit me in the head in the shower to sober up a bit and recall praying to God to save me. "Please send somebody to save me; I can not do this anymore." I was really scared I was going to die. I may have been on the verge of death, I don't know, but I just kept praying for Him to send somebody to save me. Send me an angel. I remember getting out of the shower and walking out to my bedroom to get my clothes on the bed. Much to my surprise, a realtor and a young couple were standing there as I was completely naked. Everybody involved was in complete shock. I remember backing into the bathroom and closing the door until they left, then getting changed, going into the kitchen, and dumping out the last beers and whatever was left of the booze I had, and that was it; I was done. That was my "rock bottom." Those were the angels God sent me. This was my spiritual awakening. Two days later, I enrolled in a treatment facility, which ultimately saved my life.
Running has been critical in my recovery. Like I previously mentioned, I've been sober since November 2008, and it wasn't until 2013 that I found running. Although I knew deep down inside I wouldn't use or drink again, I still had a void in my life that needed to be filled. The two years leading up to May 2013, I was becoming a squirrely mess. I had no hobbies and a lot of built-up energy inside that needed to be released. Though I wasn't drinking or using, I became restless and sort of a dry drunk. I needed to do something. Once I found running, it became my new addiction.
I asked a friend we would be visiting if he would run an 8K race (Wineglass 8K) in Corning, New York, where he lived. He said he would run it if I did. "Sign me up," I told him! I didn't even know how far an 8K was at the time! Leading up to the big day, I had run twice while pushing my son Sebastian in his stroller, and we ran together for the race as well.
I hated every second of the race and vowed never to run again. Every time a runner passed me, I was more and more angry. I honestly wanted to trip and elbow all the other runners. But when I finished, I received a glass medallion and a feeling I will never forget, a feeling of accomplishment and happiness that prompted me to seek out another race. I signed up for a 5K and then a four miler the following weekend. The race I am most grateful though is the Wineglass 8K because I did not give up; I did not quit.
I loved how I felt during and after running. The runner's high and endorphin kick was like no other. I am thankful for the way running has changed my life for the better. Not only does it help keep me sober, but it also helps me feel balanced. Racing hooked me, and as it became easier, I really became hooked on running.
I quickly realized how enjoyable it was pushing myself to go further and knew early on I could be a distance runner. I registered for the Boston Athletic Association Half Marathon in October 2013. This was a big deal and all I thought about! I did well and knew after completing it, I wanted more. What is the progression? A full marathon! I registered for the Pittsburgh Marathon, which took place in May 2014, and I really enjoyed the long distance training runs leading up to the race. I then ran the Wineglass Marathon in October, and the following year, I ran eight marathons! I was hooked on this distance until I heard about ultrarunning. My first question was, "Why would anyone want to run more than 26.2 miles?" Well, I did! I started asking questions, joining groups, and reading about this ultrarunning thing. My first ultra was Manchester to Monadnock in May 2015. I thought I was prepared, but the reality was I had no idea what was to come. I enjoyed all aspects of the event, though, and learned a lot from it. I was now obsessed.
Once I started to have some success in my running, I realized it could give me a platform to share my story of hope. I signed up to do a stage race in Patagonia, Argentina, in 2017 and started raising funds for Runwell, an organization that encourages running and fitness as part of the recovery process. I wanted to do some out-of-the-box fundraising concepts as a way to reach large audiences. The media got a hold of the story and did some news segments and articles. Within a span of six months, I did a three hour spinathon at my gym, 12 hour treadmilathon in my friend's gym in Corning, New York, the Boston Marathon quad (which is the marathon course four consecutive times), a 24-hour track run, and a 24-hour desert run, raising $12,000 for Runwell, with the money going directly to get those who could not afford treatment for addiction the help they needed. I have continued using my running platform to raise funds and awareness to fight addiction and have now done two 24-hour desert runs in the middle of the hot Arizona summer, four Boston Marathon quads, and two Mesa Marathon quads as fundraising efforts.
As an addict, there is no cure. With addicts, there is no such thing as moderation. It is more, more and more! I have to be careful about being too obsessive and continuing to want more. I think it is important to be driven and pursue new goals, but that can come at a cost. The most important thing for me is taking care of myself. The first thing I learned in recovery is to take care of myself first. If I do not take care of myself, I cannot take care of anyone else. I cannot take care of a job nor a home. Running is self care for me, but in the same breath, if I run too much, I will distance myself from my family and our time together. Family is the second most important thing to me. I would be nothing without them. They are my world. Physically, if I run and race too much, I will break down. I know that. I need to cross train and build myself to last. I want to be running when I am 80! I need to have crazy goals; I just cannot have too many of them be running goals. As they say in recovery, "one is too many, and 1,000 is not enough." I need to pick my battles and choose my events wisely. I am well aware that I am a work in progress, and sometimes need to be reminded by my wife to cut back the miles, or to have a rest day or days. I'll take this running addiction over the active addiction years all of the time.
“Running helps me live life on life's terms.”
When I discovered running in May 2013, my life drastically changed for the better. Running helps me live life on life's terms. When I start the day with a run, the whole day seems to flow better. An afternoon run can help burn off the craziness of a busy workday. I'll take this running addiction over all the madness of my alcohol and drug addiction years. I am living proof that second chances matter. I am on a mission to pay it forward. I try to tell people it's okay to be an alcoholic and addict. Most alcoholics and addicts don't want to be the way they are. But there is help, and there is hope. If there's a tomorrow, there is hope. I want to help others receive treatment. I want to expose them to a whole new world of clarity and optimism. I'm passionate about fighting addiction and serving those living in recovery. I honestly believe that you can do anything you want to do. Sometimes you need help, treatment, guidance, and therapy. The first step is wanting to change.
About the Author
Henry Ward is an ultrarunner who grew up in Waltham, Massachusetts, and currently resides in Chandler, Arizona, with his wife Alejandra, his son Sebastian, and their dog Wini.
